I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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