I need help removing her.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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