sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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