i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You left your phone here
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