so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
