i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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