Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
