So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We have so much sex to catch up on
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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