I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Randomize
