so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
