Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
