all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
