I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Drunk is not a location!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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