so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You smell like a Billy Joel song
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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