Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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