girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
