walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Randomize
