i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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