Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
