i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I party with great urgency now.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
