Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
