so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
