I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
