I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
