just tell him i said nine months
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
