when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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