When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
