i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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