I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
