Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Sorry about my life...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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