I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
