i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
