how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
