Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
