After last night, I could never be a politician.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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