Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So here I am, sexting at work.
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