so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
