It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
