.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
