Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
