The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
