How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
