WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
