a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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