Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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