Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
