Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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