Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
