Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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