awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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