pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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