If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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