i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
