I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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